Paz's Request -- Far From the Tower
... and then I laughed, only to come to the realization that I was alone. And how I fucking mourned my loneliness. Shit man, it feels like nothing ever changes and things only seems to get harder.
Is it me? Am I making things harder? Or is fun and enjoyment our drug? Are we on an ether trip --sans ether? Do we self destuct to enjoy things?
It's just another goddamned worry isn't it? I'm so sick of everything being a concern. I worry that if I were to one day win the lottery I would nearly automatically kill myself for lack of hardship.
By 8:30 I had lost my horse and very nearly died myself, and at this point didn't know whether to mourn the horse or find a deep calm place to be grateful that I was still alive.
I took a break from bloodshed to watch 'The Breakfast Club' and 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' and took a moment to make a joke and then weep at the fact that there was no one here to hear it.
Jesus. I am alone.
I remember saying something like...
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